7 Reflections From A Third Time Mom

I recently became a mom to my third little bundle of joy and it’s amazing the things you forget about in the early days no matter how many babies you’ve had. Each postpartum journey has been different. From bringing our first baby home and being a new mom, to bringing our second home while navigating life with a toddler, to finally bringing this little one home and his older siblings are in school. I think it has taken three children for me to realize just how fast time flies, to never take for granted a single moment I’m given with them and to show up each day with the intent of giving them my best. 

You hear the years are short, but the days are long…it’s during those long days, some thriving and some surviving, that I’ve taken some time to reflect on life thus far. Here are 7 reflections from this third time mom.

1. I don’t sleep when my baby sleeps. I watch him, I hold him and I snuggle with him because I know how fast time flies. I want to hold onto this stage as long as possible. I realize just how fast memories of this early stage fade and when you’re in the thick of it you pray you’ll survive it, but it’s true…you’re going to miss this. Every late night, the new baby smell, bath time and everything in between will be missed. I think I took for granted this age and stage the first two times around and now I fully understand babies don’t keep. 

   
   

2. I hold him as much as he wants to be held. I’ve heard more than once that I am spoiling my baby but in my mind I’m bonding with him. I am creating a safe space, I’m teaching him his family will always be there and I am helping him adjust to life in this big world. He’s learning that during the good and the bad, his mama will always be a constant, there to wipe away any tears, kiss any boo boos and provide endless amounts of hugs which can fix most problems. Plus he’s my babe and if I want to spoil him, I will!

   
   

3. I involve my big kids as much as they want. I ask them if they want to help with bath time, bottle washing, feeding, changing clothes, packing the diaper bag, playing with their brother and more. Throughout my entire pregnancy I worried about the age gap and raising “two separate families” until someone told me you create and raise the family you desire. My big kids don’t always give a resounding yes when I ask if they want to be involved, but it’s one way to help them bond with their little sibling and I can already see the family we’re trying to create taking shape. We’re a “living room family” and I love it!

   
   

4. I’ve lowered my expectations. Coming from someone who has always had high expectations of herself and others, this saves me mentally as now on any given day my “lowered” expectations are almost always met.  I expect that daily showers aren't always possible, the laundry pile may grow larger, the house will be cluttered and have a few extra dust bunnies and we will need to allow extra time when leaving the house. I expect I won’t be as productive professionally as I would like and I will be spending more time in the car than before. But I have also come to realize that I am one person and can only do so much. So my solution is to lower my expectations, offer grace and know that as long as my kids are happy, healthy and taken care of, the rest will fall into place…at some point.

   
   

5. I’m working on empowering my big kids while I’m busy with their brother. I’ve taught them basic chores around the house, like loading the dishwasher, putting up laundry, emptying trash and more so that when there’s a hectic moment they’re able to jump in and help. We’re working on the message of “it takes everyone to keep our house in order” versus it all defaults to mom. At first there was a bit of resistance, which I expected when implementing change, but I now see it gives them a sense of pride, they’ve been more willing to pitch in, and have even asked what other chores they can learn.

   
   

6. Family over feelings. That’s been the mantra I repeat as I am prioritizing my family and our well being above anything else. Bringing home a baby during the height of flu and RSV season makes you think a little differently (especially after my second baby got RSV at 2 months and we ended up in the hospital). At my follow up OB appointment my provider asked me if I felt I found my “mama voice” after this kiddo and in fact it was the perfect description. Coming from a recovering people pleaser my priorities have always included feelings of others over my own and sometimes my family. But coming to terms with the thought that boundaries mean love and the fact that no one has to agree with my boundaries but they have to respect them, it’s been empowering to me as a mother.

   
   

7. My goals and dreams didn’t go away, but my timeline has shifted a bit. In 2024 I decided to shift my business and the ideas started flowing. Creating online courses, offering zoom workshops, embracing email automations, taking on a certain number of new clients a month and more, were the goals until I realized that in this season of life it’s just not possible. Between the number of awake hours in a day, tending to the needs of 3 children and their extracurricular activities, completing chores around the home, putting dinner on the table and more, this has been humbling for the high achiever in me. I’ve missed self imposed deadlines, lacked consistency in my efforts and not seen the growth I envisioned for myself at this point. But I’ve learned to take it one task at a time, push out my deadlines and alter my work hours in order to keep my dreams alive. It may take me longer to get there, but I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

So if you’re a mother to any number of children, I hope these are helpful insights that may offer support knowing you are not alone. I hope these inspire you to offer yourself some grace, know that you are enough, don't stop praying and most importantly that God chose you to be the mother of your kiddo(s). That means he felt out of everyone in the entire world, only you were capable of the job. That’s something to be proud of!