Becoming Her By 40: Not Reinventing-Finally Becoming

Learning to walk with confidence and feel worthy of love, style and celebration for the life I've lived all before 40.

As I step into my final year of my 30’s, I reflect on the last decade. A decade filled with some of my greatest accomplishments, achievements I could have never dreamt would be mine, and yet I know the person most represented in my 30’s is not the woman I want to carry with me into my 40’s.

Why? That woman became a new mom. She dove headfirst into motherhood and didn’t look back. She often poured from an empty cup, she wanted to be everything to everyone and oftentimes had unrealistic expectations for herself and others. That woman built a business, she made sacrifices both personally and professionally, her kids saw her on phone way too much, she tried to grow an empire and then she lost it. That woman spent a year feeling like a stranger in her own skin, paralyzed by insecurities. She let her mindset shift from one of growth to one filled with scarcity. She let the enemy fill her with fear, worry and doubt and she became almost unrecognizable until she decided to fully surrender it all. 

Amongst the diapers, drop offs, dinner routines and more my body changed, my confidence wavered and the reflection on the outside didn’t fit the inside. Parts of me were growing and yet other parts seemed frozen in time. I learned new skills that would help me build a business and a brand. I spent most of my 30’s teaching women how to feel confident in makeup application, developing systems to help others duplicate what I had built and it felt good to make an impact until finally I realized makeup application was about the only area in life where I did feel confident.

My house wasn’t neat and tidy, laundry piles filled chairs in my living room, and looking in my closet, most of my wardrobe was older than my marriage (hence the frozen in time). I was expecting my third little love and everything inside me shifted. The house work kept piling up, the kids were wanting to participate in more extracurricular activities, I was volunteering more time at school to be with my kids, my social selling business came to a screeching halt and if that wasn’t enough my skin was becoming more and more compromised as my belly grew bigger and bigger. I was wrecked to my core. I spent all of last year in this limbo until I laid it all at His feet and realized all this wasn’t mine to carry alone. 

Things improved. I did some counseling to become a better parent, I took a much needed step back from social media, I focused on being intentional with my time, I found my voice and started to advocate for myself and my family, I was blessed with a healthy baby boy and I started to feel more like who I wanted to be. I turned 39 and I decided I needed to use this year to make up for my last. To use this last year not to reinvent myself, fix myself or change, but to become her-the woman I was always meant to be. The one who God created. The one who carried life, who has weathered late nights and early mornings, who has stretched and grown in more ways than one, who is still standing and who shows up daily for her family.

This is the year that I add to the list of things I feel confident in. I want to take this time to learn how to style and dress my current body, to develop a love and appreciation for it. I no longer want to hold on to pieces that don't reflect who I am today or hide behind a wardrobe to avoid exposing insecurities. I want to move and speak with confidence and I want to fully embrace the notion that I am worthy of it all! I want to foster the mindset that I am enough and learn to manage expectations. I want to be the role model my kids deserve and help lay a foundation rooted in confidence, not self doubt. I want to fully embrace all that I can so that turning 40 becomes something to celebrate not fear.

I’m becoming her–me--by 40 and I am so ready! 

Want to read more about my becoming her by 40 journey, click here and make sure you're following along on social media!